She Did It Again

If you haven't read the previous post yet, do so first. 

Kari did it again. She wrote what I think. Who is this girl? We must meet.

I'm just going to link you to her post, but I'll highlight a few pieces here.

http://www.newlywedsonabudget.net/2012/11/if-i-die-young.html

" I can now say my life revolves around one specific point in time. The person I was before my accident, and the person I am now. Nothing, to date, has changed my life like that, I'm not sure anything will. 

Before the accident, I was sure of my own youth and strength. I was guilty of thinking "that couldn't possibly happen to me." I was healthy, I was strong, and in my eyes I was invincible. Now I know that my days are numbered.

But I know it in a good way. Now I know to appreciate my husband more than I ever have before. Now I know to see the strength in the people that surround me. Now I know to appreciate my body, this amazing gift that has been given to me, and to never abuse it. Now I know that whenever it comes time for me to leave this world I will be able to look back and know that I lived a life that made me happy."

I feel this way too. In one of our early appointments with the Nurse Practitioner (I love her so much. Her name is Nancy, she's hilarious, and she's just plain great.), she told us that this would be a good experience for us. She told me that I would learn things about life that people don't learn until they're in their 80's. I wasn't sure what she meant at the time, but I started to learn very quickly after that appointment. 

I have a greater appreciation for my husband and children. I get very frustrated when I feel like I am taking them for granted because I feel like I know now, more than ever, how precious they really are. {I think that's why I beat myself up about not being Super Mom.} I see the world differently now. SO many things just don't really matter. And others REALLY do matter. 

"When asked about writing the song "If I Die Young" the band said-

"We wanted to write a song about making the most of whatever time you're given -- whether it's two years, twenty years or two hundred.

We really have gotten to live and love at our young ages. 'If I Die Young,' for us, is about if it all ends at this moment, look at what we've gotten to do. Whatever time we're given will be absolutely enough as long as we make the most of it." {source}. 

That sums up my feelings about this song to a T.  I've always been drawn to music and I have specific songs that I tie to the milestones in  my life. There have been a few songs to help me through the last few months but this one has been the most poetic. 

I haven't been the best at writing my story lately, manly because most of the time I don't know what to write. Be patient with me, while I fumble around and try to find the words to describe everything that has happened and my feelings."

"Whatever time we're given will be absolutely enough as long as make the most of it." I fully believe that. 

Interestingly enough, I have a song that has spoken to me through this journey, as they call it. It is "Home" by Phillip Phillips. I heard it just days after I was diagnosed, on the radio, when I turned the car on to warm it up before going to work. I really heard the lyrics for the first time and they resonated with me. When my wonderful friends got me an iPad mini to help make chemo more bearable, they had part of the song engraved on the back: Just know you're not alone.

I've listened to that song dozens of times since I found out about the stupid cancer. It has made me cry, lifted me up, and brought me comfort. I'm not alone. I have my wonderful friends and family, and I have my Savior. 

Lastly, I send my apologies for my fumbled (I love this word, it's perfect) words, while I try to explain how I feel, in almost every single blog post. I'm going to try and stop doing that.