Cancer in Life

I recently had another CT scan - and it was all clear and lovely! I love my oncologists. I would refer any friends or family to them in a heart beat. (Despite how that would totally suck because it would mean they have cancer... but seriously, I trust these doctors more than any doctor I have ever had.)


I've been watching a lot of cancer movies recently. I'm not sure why. I'm probably just reflecting on life in the subconscious and stuff. There's a new tv show on ABC Family called "Chasing Life" about a 24 year-old who has leukemia. I'm very interested to see how it plays out. I watched "50/50" after reading an article talking about the aforementioned tv show. It was really good. Unfortunately, it's rated R for language, but man, it really hit home in quite a few ways. The guy is 27, he has lived his life "perfectly", but he ends up with a unique spinal cancer. It really hits on the relationships you have, lose, strengthen, etc. with your friends and family, as well as how friends and family cope and try to help you through your cancer. It was great. Then, of course, there's the new movie "The Fault in Our Stars" based on the book of the same title. I read the book so I'm very much looking forward to seeing the movie. I've actually asked a few friends if they want to see it, but they haven't been terribly interested, so I'm waiting for Patrick to get home and we'll go together. :) And apparently, he is really interested in seeing it, so that's good!

I like to read and I've been reading as much as I can recently. I'm finishing up with The Giver series and I have been very impressed with it. I have also started reading books by Jennifer Smith. They're sweet and simple and very easy and fast reads (they're also designed for teenagers, but I like those books haha). I have a few others on my list - like I still haven't read The Book Thief and I have some Emily Giffin books to read, but I've loved actually working towards I goal I set this year to read at least one book a month for fun.


You know, I'm coming up on a year post-treatments. It's crazy how different this year has been than last year. I'm not living in doctors' offices, but they still know my face and name. I actually love that. I mean, it sucks that I've gone so often that they know my name so well, but it's also great to have an additional "family" of sorts. I really do love my doctors. Both of them are on billboards now and it cracks me up. My radiation oncologist has been on one that says HOPE and has him and a nurse smiling big for a while now. But there's a new ad that says something like "sometimes fighting IS the answer" (or something) and happens to have both of my oncologists on it. They have "serious" faces and both of my doctors are light and happy and not serious fighter people, so it makes me laugh, but in a good way. It's kind of fun to see my doctors when I'm driving around and to remember how much they have done for me and continue to do for me.


In other news... we moved into a new apartment. It's basically twice as big. We are mostly moved in, but working on some issues with carpeting, so there's a lot still not done.

Patrick comes home from his training very soon. We are VERY excited for that.

Our friends, Mikelle and Jason (and kids) came into town and I think they need to move here. ;-) It's always nice to have friends that are basically family.

I've been working out some and going to Zumba twice a week at the Rec Center. I'm not seeing any major changes, but it feels so good to work out and I'm loving that!

I had surgery on my wrist from the car accident and have been going through physical therapy for that. I'm gradually regaining the use, function, and mobility, and I'm very happy with that! Not being able to type because of the pain was SUPER awful (among a bunch of other limitations).


Well, this was pretty random and not very exciting. I want to blog here more. I want this to be a helpful place for cancer patients and survivors to go, or anyone experiencing a major life trial. I want to bring hope to others. Apparently today I was really struggling with my words, but I would really like to provide more hope and comfort for others. :) So we'll see...

Post-Treatment Life

Unfortunately, this post won't have pictures... they're on the other computer. Sorry. Maybe I'll add some later.


Life after cancer treatments...

Well, school started.

Then my mom came and visited for a month. That's why I didn't blog at all during September. I was a guest speaker at a Relief Society event where ladies got together and did a bunch of different stuff - zumba, speakers, etc. I spoke about being happy even when life isn't happy and being happy in our roles as women, moms, etc. We went to Idaho and visited family. We came back. We cleaned my house. Then I got in a car accident, my car was totaled, and now I'm doing therapies to recover from that. We cleaned up the storage unit, we ate steak and salad and sweet potatoes. HOLY YUM. We had Coke and Cafe Rio. We had lots of girly time. I love my mommy. We are best buddies and it was so wonderful having her here. Especially texting each other with emoji characters. :) haha.

School has been harder for me than work has ever been for me in my entire life. I'm tired, I'm stressed, the students are hard (well, some of them), it's just been harder than ever.

I hit an emotional wall and kind of exploded. Every emotion I've limited in the last year or so came out in the last couple of months, especially since the car accident. I got shingles. Thank you effing stress from said car accident. That made me REALLY mad. What are the odds??? I took a medicine during ALL of chemo and for a month after to keep me from getting shingles. And then I get it. I'm still trying to figure out all of the emotions stuff.

I had a major anxiety attack and might have something wrong with my heart. I went to the ER for that - on General Conference Sunday. Haven't received that bill yet, but I have a feeling I might be reaching my deductibles very soon...

We had to buy a new car. We got a Chevy Equinox. It's nice, but it's another car payment. But it's fun to hook the iPhone up to to listen to Pandora.... You know that song - Royals? I'm obsessed. It should've been made when Gossip Girl was still around.... It would've been PERFECT. I love GG.

I think the stress also kicked my thyroid into not working. So that's awesome. I basically have side burns and extra hair on my neck. And of course anxiety, anger, possibly depression, etc. Life is good - whatever. :)

Nah, it's not all bad. There are definitely up's. And you have to look at those, right? But right now... I'm not done. :) I'm not quite there... I'm processing a lot of stuff right now.

I'm taking a Praxis Prep class to prepare for another test I get to pay for to keep my teaching license current and to keep my job. The car accident messed up my wrist/hand/forearm, so it was incredibly difficult to write practice answers for the class/test... I've never had wrist/hand/forearm pain like that before. It completely sucks.



Finishing chemo and radiation does NOT mean your life will go back to being the same. I didn't realize that realistically as much as theoretically. My life will NEVER be the same. It will forever be different. Post-cancer me won't be the Adrienne I know. I'm getting to know a new me. It's been difficult, but I'm learning. I thought cancer would change my life, but that it would just be something I would think of as part of my life, my past, etc. Part of what made me ME. But it's so much more than that...

I never felt anxiety about my cancer, but I do now. I'm worried about it coming back, I'm worried about having to go through everything ALL OVER AGAIN. This journey is just so far from being over. It's a bizarre concept and, frankly, I'm tired of cancer identifying me so much. I kinda just want "old me" back. Simple, worried about things besides living, long beautiful-haired Adrienne. New me is good too, but I'm just getting to know new me. I'm different.

But speaking of hair... my eyebrows are back and beautiful!!!! And my hair has grown in nicely. I wish it were the same color as before, but it could be worse. I'm actually contemplating dyeing it. My scalp, however, has been falling apart! It flakes away like a champ and it's gross and annoying. If I have an itch, my scalp falls apart. :) I have horrible dandruff. I actually asked the dermatologist about it while at an appointment for the girls and he gave me a prescription hair goo stuff to use overnight. He called it "sticky city" - I haven't used it yet. Anyway, I had NO idea my scalp was going to do this (it itches too!) when my hair grew back in, but apparently it's because the new hair doesn't have enough oils so my scalp is super dry. I guess it's also kind of a good sign because it means my hair is growing back in. I got a super cute pixie cut and I actually really quite like it. Just need to fix this flaky head. :) My hair hardly falls out now either! It's pretty great. :)


So anyway, a jumble of thoughts after over a month of not blogging. My mind feels jumbled right now. I'm working through it - slowly, but surely. I'd like to try and blog more. Keep this going. It's all part of "the journey," as they call it.