This is REALLY long and there are only two pictures.
A couple of months ago, I was taking a shower, just getting ready for work. It was a Friday. Suddenly, I had sharp, exploding pains in my stomach. I quickly finished my shower and somehow managed to make it to the couch. I was keeling over, in excruciating pain. I had no idea what was going on, but it was MISERABLE. I couldn't manage to get up long enough to walk back to the bedroom, but I had taken my cell phone into the bathroom before my shower and grabbed it on my way out, so I called Patrick until he woke up. It was even difficult to speak. He came out and I asked for a blessing.
Then I started to try and figure out how to get ahold of a doctor or get a sub. I didn't realize that I needed to post in SubFinder before 730, even if I was calling in sick. I called the family doctor's nurse line and my OBGYN office's nurse line. The family doc opened first. They told me it sounded like a cyst bursting, so I should call my OB. I called my OB. The nurse said it sounded like a cyst bursting and it would be painful, but I'd be better later in the day. She kind of gave me some sass, but I insisted on coming in to be seen by a nurse practitioner anyway. She put it in the books as an IUD check (like to make sure it's in place after it's been placed). I wanted to make sure my IUD hadn't moved and lodged itself into my uterine wall or anything. I had been having cramping off and on all week, so I was worried. I mean, hello, I couldn't get off the couch or move, duh, I was worried.
Meanwhile, I called the school and tried to get everything figured out. I got the number of the district sub person and they called around. I thought that was taken care of. I emailed the school secretary some last-minute sub plans and told her that my friend had first period covered (Foods). At 9:00, I got a call that didn't ring (it went straight to voicemail and I didn't see it until 10:00 - I'm done teaching at 10:30/11:00) and it was to tell me that no sub ever showed up for me and I needed to come in and that the principal was watching my class. I thought the district lady would call me back if she couldn't find a sub for me. I didn't realize that I needed to keep calling. Oops.
I was off and on the phone with doctors' offices until about 10:00 when I saw the voicemail. I called the school and then I emailed the principal to apologize for not being there and to explain that I had a cyst on my ovary burst and I was in tons of pain, but going to the doctor later to get it taken care of. Surprisingly, he said he was just glad I was okay. Phew. Not in big trouble. But man, was that awkward for a minute. Basically, everyone thought I had a flu bug or something, not that I was writhing on my couch in pain.
I went to the doctor at 1:00 that afternoon. I was a little annoyed that I couldn't come in sooner, but at least by then I could halfway walk. I had a blood test, urine test, check for pregnancy, check to make sure my IUD was in place (totally fine), the works, and then she ordered an ultrasound. I took Patrick to work, picked up the kids, and went home. Maybe I did something in between all of that. I can't remember. I think I got food for them. The hospital called at 4ish to schedule my u/s. They had an opening at five, but I had to drink a ton of water beforehand. Of course I wanted that appointment, so I started guzzling, got another sitter, and headed out. The u/s looked like I didn't have a cyst - MAYBE. She said when there's a cyst, you'll see fluid floating around that hasn't been reabsorbed yet. She didn't see much fluid - just a tiny bit off to the side, but figured that must be it. So I went home assuming that I had a cyst burst and that I'd be betterish by the following evening, and if not, or if I had any other weird symptoms or things go worse, I should go to the ER. Joy.
I got a sub for teaching on Sunday. I was exhausted, hadn't eaten much, etc. I just really, really was not feeling well.
I didn't hear anything from the OB on Monday, so I still assumed burst cyst. Well, Tuesday, I got a phone call that said that it WASN'T a cyst, but that there was evidence of a possible bacterial infection. They said if I wasn't feeling well, I could take their referral to go to an endo.... something or other stomach doctor. I thought about it and because I had problems beforehand and had some other weird stomach issues for the previous few weeks/months, I'd take the referral and go see that doc.
Then I started to think that maybe I should just go in for a physical and see if anything weird popped up. I figured it would be cheaper (hello, free, once a year) and I could see if anything else weird popped up. ... Like I said. It still took me a few weeks to decide and finally make an appointment.
So I went in two Mondays ago. And that's where I was going to start this blog post. Yeah, I'm wordy and talkative. People don't listen to me this much in real life, but in writing, no one is stopping me. :) Irrelevant. Anyway....
I went in for my physical and mentioned my stomach stuff. Well, that pretty much went out the window when she felt my thyroid. She asked if I had a history of thyroid problems personally or in my family. Neither, that I am aware of. She said she would check my test results for my stomach stuff, but she was also going to order an ultrasound for my thyroid. Okay, another ultrasound... how many hundreds of dollars is that going to cost me? Sounds great. They called me and we scheduled it for Thursday.
Thursday came and I went to get my ultrasound. I'd been to this Radiology office before. Not my favorite place (it's where I had my MRI for my back), but not an awful place either. Well, usually ultrasound techs talk during the u/s and they tell you things they're "not supposed to tell you". I have no idea what they are and aren't supposed to say, but I think that they aren't really supposed to tell you anything because they aren't the doctor and don't know all the reasons you're there... or something. Anyway, she didn't talk. And she kept taking measurements/images of the right side of my neck. I could tell there was something there and that it was significant.
I was also REALLY, REALLY, REALLY tired. I was laying there on the table, in the dark room, with the humming of the machines, and somehow that little wand and the nasty gel on my neck going back and forth, was comforting and putting me to sleep. I was having SUCH a hard time staying awake.
Anyway, she said she was going to check with a doctor to make sure she had all the images they would need before I left. She did, and I left.
I think it was the following Monday when the doctor's office called me to tell me that the doc read/looked/whatever my ultrasound and wanted to send me in for a biopsy. I had a "large mass" on my right thyroid lobe thing. I wasn't really worried until then. A biopsy???!! A biopsy?? A biopsy. Okay, things were getting real.
Started freaking out. I got a voicemail saying they were referring me for the biopsy, so I texted Patrick on my drive home (after I listened to the message) and told him and asked for a blessing. I cried a little on my way home. I really shouldn't need a biopsy at 26. Wow. Crazy.
They called me. Scheduled the biopsy for Wednesday at four. Needed to be there fifteen minutes early to get everything set up and ready. Got a babysitter and Patrick arranged to come with me (left work for an hour to do so). I was so grateful for a last-minute sitter and that Patrick could come with me so I wouldn't be alone. It brought peace and comfort to me. I just felt better having him there and not being alone for this. My friend, who is an u/s tech, told me what I could probably expect.
We got there early, like they said. They called me back. I changed my shirt to wear a snazzy hospital gown, all open to the front. I took my necklace off and laid down on the table. The tech scanned my neck with the u/s machine thing and took a few more images and checked things out. She called in the radiologist, who was a super very nice doctor. He was very friendly and kind. They checked things out and were talking about how far down the mass went down and its shape and where they were going to go in to get the biopsy and everything.
While they were looking around, they found that on my left side there was another mass that was larger than it should be, but nowhere near the size of the one of the right side. They talked about doing a biopsy of it too, but decided not to. He said they would wait to see the results of the right one and then I could come back if I needed to. Well, I was already getting anxious over this whole experience and it seemed like it was going to be uncomfortable and that I'd be sore and bruise on my neck and all these things (all true), so I asked why they wouldn't do it at the same time and then I told them I'd rather have it done then than have to come back again later. He said there were also issues with logistics because it hadn't been ordered, but I said yeah, let's go ahead and do it. I mean, I'm the paying customer, right? haha.
The biopsy, turned biopsies, was uncomfortable. I felt like I was being choked. It was just really unpleasant. I"m glad they did both sides at the same time because I REALLY did not want to be there after they got started. He was actually able to go in through the same place, or near it, for the left side to minimize bruising and soreness and stuff. And he went through the already numbed area, so it didn't hurt as much as the right side. Needles should not dig around and poke around inside our necks. Or bodies. I got some sweet ice packs out of it. Apparently they made me look like I had purple duct tape on me. And I got two of them since I had two biopsies. They stuck to my neck. Snazzy. When I got home I put some peppermint oil on and more ice, to reduce bruising. I was worried that I would look like I had a hickey on my neck and what my teenage students would say. I didn't know the bruise/needle holes would be super low on my neck, and in the middle, so it wouldn't really look like a hickey. Anyway...
Then I waited and waited. Lots of prayers. LOTS of journal-writing. It was the only place I could go to get it all out. I told a few select people, but I didn't want to tell the world and then get bad results and have to deal with that. I'm more into suffering in silence. ;-) They told me it would take three to five business days to get results, so I knew I just had to think about it and worry about it over the weekend.
During and after the biopsy, I asked the radiologist some questions. He made it pretty clear that I should be more ready to hear that it was cancerous than that it wasn't. He was worried that it was because of the size.
So I spent the weekend trying to come to terms with the idea of it all and also avoiding all thoughts of it. We had a busy weekend, so that was good, but it was definitely ALWAYS on my mind. Like I said, I wrote in my journal A LOT. It was a safe place to my thoughts, at least the ones I was willing to admit to and put on paper. I have been so afraid, that's for sure.
I have also been super sore. Second-day soreness was the worst. I couldn't even touch my neck in the stabbing area until yesterday. Anyway...
No call yesterday. I wasn't really expecting it (based on timing for everything else), but you know. So last night, I was pretty down in the dumps. Worrying about the worst. Expecting the worst. Eating more ice cream. I have eaten a lot of ice cream in the last two weeks.
Today, I expected a phone call. I figured I would probably get it while at work, I'd miss it, and I'd catch the voicemail on the way home. I was planning on a message telling me to schedule an appointment to come in and talk to the doctor (for the worst, of course). I actually stayed at work a little bit longer today in hopes of missing this phone call.
That didn't happen.
I got the phone call this afternoon. The doctor's office is in my contact list, so I knew who was calling. Well, they called to tell me that my test results came back NORMAL!! I actually had a thought that maybe my results got switched or were wrong. The nurse told me the doctor was actually really, really surprised that it wasn't cancerous. They said I should go see an ENT doctor because of its size to talk about getting it removed or partially removed, or whatever comes next.
I can't even begin to explain how I felt. Honestly, there's still a part of me waiting to get a phone call telling me that the results were mixed up and wrong or something. I was surprised, pleasantly. Frozen. I'm still kind of frozen. The thing is still huge and in my neck and I still have to figure it all out, but wow.
I don't think there's any other other way to describe than that it is a miracle. I'm so blessed and so lucky. This goes beyond tender mercies. It is truly a miracle.
I still have plenty of medical bills and other bills and other things going on, BUT I don't have cancer. And that is pretty miraculous and awesome.
And this is my super long two-hours-to-write-it blog post. While watching a Christmas movie. Because that's what I do in December.
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