Chemo #4a

I was going to blog today while I was at chemo, but I couldn't remember my email password to log in to Blogger, so I waited.

Something amazing happened today. Okay, a few things...

#1 - It's our SEVEN-year anniversary today! It's hard to believe that seven years is already here. Time has flown by and it really does seem like we just got married yesterday. At the same time, our wedding day feels light years away. We celebrated last Thursday by going to Salt Lake and attending the temple (haven't been to the SLC in a few years), where we were married. We did a session after we were sealed and took pictures and everything and it was wonderful. It was wonderful to go back for our anniversary and remember our wedding day and look at the temple with "older and wiser" eyes, ears, and hearts as well. It was really wonderful.

A week before we got married, in North Carolina at our Engagement Party.

Our wedding day - yeah, we started that Chucks trend. :p We still have our shoes. 

After the temple, we talked to an usher/senior missionary for a while. He was in the Air Force, so he and Patrick gabbed it up for a while. Then we put our stuff back in the car and walked over to City Creek, where we had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. {I have pictures of our date - well, just a couple, but some cleaning angels came to my house today while I was at chemo and I don't know where the cable/adaptor/loading thingy is to get them off the camera. I'll have to ask them.} Anyway, Patrick had never been to the Cheesecake Factory, and it's a nice restaurant, so we decided to go there for our special night out. We were both STARVING by the time we got there and couldn't clearly think or decide what to eat, so we ordered an appetizer. The most delicious appetizer I've had in a long time - Buffalo Blasts. Holy yum. I honestly think that the next time I go to the CF, I will order them as my meal, haha. :) (We did have a Zub's sub for lunch, but our bellies were hungry by dinner time!!!) Anyway, after we got some yummies in our tummies, we were able to think more clearly and ordered our food. We had fun with our server, I saw the server who gave me a side hug the night I went out with my friends and chopped my hair off, and it was just a blast. We had an amazing conversation and it was SO SO nice to really talk to my hubby - seems like it has been ages since that happened. :)

After dinner, we walked around City Creek a bit and Patrick let me buy some bath things from Lush. I told the ladies there about my cancer (cancer card!) and they gave me three samples on top of everything else I bought. They helped me choose some relaxing items and some anti-nausea (hopefully!!) things as well. They also gave me some "detox" stuff too. I'm going to try them this week and I pray that they help!!

We were pretty exhausted by this time, so we headed home. Thank heavens for wonderful friends and family who watched the girls so that we could celebrate our anniversary. We are sooooo very blessed to have all of you in our life, especially right now.

So anyway, it's our anniversary today and we barely saw each other. haha. I didn't take work off and neither did Patrick. We said, "I love you," and "happy anniversary!" but we pretty much saw each other in passing. Another day in the life of the Murrays. I'm so grateful that we had Thursday to celebrate.


#2 - While I was at chemo, I read on Facebook about a lady who died during childbirth (c-section) today from complications of placenta previa and placenta accreta, giving birth to their sixth child. I didn't know all the details at the time - just that this mom died while giving birth to their sixth child, a little boy. My heart broke for her family. What a tragic and painful experience. A friend posted about the Plan of Salvation and eternal families and how she is grateful for them, especially in times like this. I am too. I am sooooo incredibly grateful for eternal families, for the blessing of families, and for the blessing it is that those who pass on are still with us when we need them. I know that when we conceived Bella and my grandfather died that they were hanging out in Heaven together. She never met Grandpa Noel here on earth, but I know that she knows him and that they are buddies. She would make him smile, I just know it. But our knowledge of these things does not make death, especially one like this an easier burden to bear at all times, especially right away. Even with the comfort and knowledge, it is still hard.

Well, as we left the hospital today, feeling good after chemo (surprisingly), we passed through a group of about 20 people near same-day surgery. They were sniffling and some were crying. That didn't really make sense near same-day surgery. Same-day surgery should be easy surgeries, not life-threatening ones. And then it dawned on me. I had not thought for even a minute that this woman might be in this very hospital, but I knew it was her friends/family. I kind of felt like I was walking right through a family event/reunion/something. I felt bad for passing through them with my life intact and my family healthy. I heard a woman telling someone on the phone, "She had the baby today, but she didn't make..." I won't lie, I cried. I said to Patrick, "Oh my gosh, I know what this is. I know who these people are!" and told him what I had inferred from Facebook. I visited the woman's Facebook page and cried for the babies (children) and husband who lost their mother and wife. I'm a sobfest as it is, but I have been tearing up ever since. When we walked through these people, she had passed away less than hour beforehand. Their emotions were fresh and raw. I was passing through their mourning so nonchalantly, with things going very well in my life. (Yet another time I have felt so lucky and bad for just having Hodgkin's and not something worse.) I could feel the Spirit there and area was heavy and united. It was a very surreal feeling to walk right through that.

I pray for the Galbraith and Lawrence families. I pray that that will find comfort and strength and that angels will be with them at this time. Heavenly Father loves this family and He will guide them through one of, if not THE hardest times of their lives.



Now that we have had a sapfest and a sobfest, let's talk a little business.


#3 - I felt surprisingly very good after chemo today. I don't usually feel so good. I usually feel groggy and sort of nauseous. Steroids aren't kind. But I felt good. I felt bad that someone was bringing us dinner when I felt so good, but I knew it wouldn't last. And it hasn't. Around 6:00, those feelings started to present, as well as the "restless" feeling. I still need to take the Lorazepam for that. Ugh, I'm tired of drugs, but gosh darnit, they work so well!

One of the drugs I get - I should say chemicals I get, makes my pee red/orange. It's really bizarre. It also makes it smell funny, chemically. I hate it. It's a smell that makes me nauseous just thinking about it. Chemo makes everything I do smell/taste funny. It isn't pleasant. Darn that super smelling I got with my pregnancies that never went away. Haha.

This was my 7th treatment, so I'm officially over the halfway mark and on the down-hill. I want to have a party when I'm done with radiation - so be thinking of things to do in October and send me your ideas. It needs to be good, but not too exhausting. But I want to have a party. Hair or no hair.

Oh, yeah. That's thinning a lot more now. I kind of feel like an old lady - I'm balding on the top of my head. :) It seems like only people who actually know me can tell, but they can tell. One friend asked to feel my hair - sure, no biggy. She said it feels the same as people who have fine, thinner hair. I'd agree with that. There's just less there now than there was. I'm so grateful that I had so much to start with.

I've gotta be honest with you, though, I think I'm okay with the idea of it all falling out. I stressed, worried, and commiserated for so long about losing my hair and it hasn't. What a blessing that has been. But I think I'm finally ready to let go and move on to the next stage, if it is going to come to me. My hair might just get thinner and thinner. I may end up looking like Gollum. But less blue.

But I have some really cute head scarves, so it's okay if I lose my hair. That's kind of a weird thing to say, but I think I'm okay with it. And in all actuality, it's kind of annoying to be shedding so much. I have a lot of hair to lose before being bald. I've already put major Drain-O in the sink once and it needs it again, just a few weeks later. Every time I shower, the water pulls more hair out. If I brush my hair, it just comes right out. It's a totally bizarre thing. Really bizarre. But Gollum is pretty famous, so it can't be all bad. My preciousssss..... hair. ;-)

I'm swollen all the time, so I asked Dr. Rich about that today. He said it's normal and happens to some people, especially those who have allergies. I don't have allergies, but I have plenty of swelling. Even my eyelids are swollen - like all the time. I wear more make-up now, including eye liner, because of it.

My eyelashes and eyebrows have less hair than they used to. My eyebrows look really light to me. It's so weird.

And I have a chemo baby in my belly.

Just kidding. That's me at 9 months with Makenzie in my belly. 

My chemo baby is smaller. Can't even compete with a human.

There are three weeks left of school. Isn't that crazy? I'm ready for summer and yet, it doesn't really mean much more than not having to get subs or go to school. Chemo isn't stopping, I don't really get a break, and life will just keep going. But I'll be able to stay up as late as I want whenever I want (read that: whenever my old lady, chemo baby gut, chemo exhaustion body lets me). 10:00 sounds late to me these days.

And I'm finding myself rambling now. I am a wordy son-of-a-gun. So I'll call it a night, finish my Ginger Ale, and go watch some Chuck and fall asleep on our silky sheets that we were given as a gift years ago and just put on our bed. The silky pillow case should keep me from losing as much hair from friction in my sleep. Big Whammy!

Goodnight. Here's to another chemo week. 

7 down, 5 to go! 

(I used to count down to the end of chemo, but as we are getting closer to it, I am starting to count down to the end of radiation, end of September/beginning of October. There WILL be a party.... of some kind.)